Our Brain Candy Book Club has been reading Sue Monk Kidd’s The Book of Longings: A Novel. And it’s getting rave reviews from the whole group. 

The premise is what if Jesus had a wife? The Book of Longings is written in the first person from the main character Ana’s point of view. And yes, Ana is the wife of Jesus, but she is much more.

Longings is not a religious treatise; rather, it is an emotionally evocative work of fiction that explores the life of a woman, who longs to write, living in an age when very few women were literate and even fewer had the freedom to choose their own path.

As always, Kidd’s writing is fresh, sensual, and lyrical, and her deep historical research is evident. Ana is a beautifully drawn character – in turns willful, rebellious, kind, and passionate. Her voice drew me in from the very first sentence and kept me turning the page. 

In her author’s note, Kidd writes: “The day Ana appeared, I knew one thing about her besides her name. I knew that what she wanted most was a voice. If Jesus actually did have a wife, and history unfolded exactly the way it has, then she would be the most silenced woman in history and the woman most in need of a voice. I’ve tried to give her one.”

Kidd tried and succeeded.

Learn more about The Book of Longings or order it from our Bookshop HERE.

A Social Quid Pro Quo

About ten years ago I started thinking about retiring. I lived in Mexico and was teaching university students online, having already stepped back from the most active elements of my career working as a consultant for large organizations. A few years later, I moved back to the US and slowly wound down my teaching work. It took me a few years to go from “thinking about it” to making it official, but for the last three years I have been fully retired.

At first it was kind of nice; I had no serious responsibilities. I had no clients to call, no student papers to correct, and no research duties. Life was good…for a couple of months.

However, after catching up on my reading list and binge-watching Game of Thrones, I started to get bored. I started to not have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I would lie there and think about what I had to do that day: Let’s see…coffee, read the local paper (bad news), surf the net (more bad news), and walk my dogs (the high point of my day). I started to wish I had kids and grandkids. Maybe I could offer some sage advice about something or nurture a sick child. Anything to make me feel like I was being of value as I had when I felt my clients and students held me in some regard. I had no real friends nearby so visiting them was out of the question.

I had lived in this state of mind for a few months when I started to realize it was affecting my mental health. I was starting to feel depressed...

Fortunately for me, my wife was beginning to wind down her career and that helped give me some much-needed social interaction. But still, I needed to be needed–like I was when I had a career.

Then one day I stumbled onto an article in the local paper written by someone who was a local “Master Gardener”. I figured if you were a master gardener then you must have a degree in botany or horticulture or something. But I was interested, and a blurb at the end of the newspaper column gave a web address for the organization, so I checked it out.

The first thing that caught my eye on the Master Gardener website was that they had something called the helpdesk. The helpdesk would diagnose your plant problems and give you possible solutions. Cool! The second thing I noticed was that they were looking for volunteers to join their organization. I wondered what it would be like to volunteer as a master gardener, so I inquired.

Long story short: I didn’t spend ten years thinking about this opportunity. I signed up, got interviewed and accepted, went through the formal training (quite extensive), and started doing my volunteer hours. Now, I am one of the people who mans the helpdesk.

Three things of value have come out of my master gardener experience. First, I am learning so much about plants and gardening, always been a casual interest of mine. Second, I have developed a new social network with a variety of interesting people with distinct backgrounds. Third, I am being of service to my community.

If you are a senior, and retired, volunteering is a great way to make friends and serve others in your community. It’s a great way to put some meaning back into your life.

Why Volunteer

Social participation. In a previous blog I discussed the relationship between loneliness and depression. I advocated for developing and maintaining a social network to stave off loneliness. Volunteering is an excellent way to do that and at the same time create the feeling of satisfaction that comes with being of service.

Research has shown that active and productive engagement in society is a key element in successful aging. When seniors increase their levels of social participation, we have a reduced rate of suicide, better physical health, reduced mortality in general, and higher levels of psychological well-being. Research has also shown that volunteering can help prevent depression.

Being of service. Even if your social life is robust, and your primary focus is not on expanding your social network, you can reap the psychological benefits of being of service to individuals and your community. Being a master gardener volunteer, I get to help people solve problems with their plants, develop and deliver library talks on a variety of gardening related topics, and establish a network of new friends in my community.

Another way I volunteer is by writing blogs for Love of Aging that, hopefully, inform seniors of things they can do in their lives that can support their successful aging.

Researchers have looked directly at the health benefits of volunteering as we age. One study concluded that for seniors, volunteering has a negative relationship with mortality; seniors that volunteered had a 44% lower rate of mortality than seniors that did not volunteer.

Another study showed other significant positive results for seniors who volunteered: Older volunteers reported a wide variety of benefits to the people they served, themselves, their families, and communities. More than 30% reported that they were “a great deal better off” because of volunteering, and almost 60% identified a benefit to their families.

Being of service to the community not only helps the members of the community that are being served but also those that are being of service.

Types of Volunteer Service

There are a large variety of volunteering opportunities available to seniors. One way to get our head around them is to organize them into different models. Here is an example of five distinct but overlapping models for understanding the nature of a specific volunteering opportunities:

Formal. These types of opportunities tend to be more formally organized and involve the delivery of services. These roles tend to be more strictly supervised and more highly structured.

• Volunteering for the library cart in a local metropolitan hospital
• Delivering meals to older adults through services such as Meals-on-Wheels
• Providing activities and outing support in an aged care facility
• Volunteer driver for a service organization
• Volunteer animal care giver for organizations such as the ASPCA
• Volunteering in tourism, museums, large charities and emergency services

Informal. Non-formal volunteering occurs in a variety of community settings. This type of volunteering is done in local communities and centers around specific social needs.  Volunteers work in unfunded, less structured settings.

• Volunteering for a neighborhood group
• Running the snack bar for a community sporting or recreational group
• Coordinating the sale of merchandise for a self-help group
• Volunteering for a specific hobby group
• Providing services or support through a mutual support group

Governance. Governance volunteers serve on boards and management committees. They provide leadership and direction for the organization.

• Secretary for the local soccer club
• President of a service club, such as a local chapter of the Kiwanis
• Serving on the board of an NGO

Social action. Social action groups are similar to non-formal groups in that people come together around a shared interest but differ in that social action groups have an interest and passion for bringing about defined changes.

• Volunteering for an environmental group
• Political lobbying
• Getting out the vote
• Volunteering for a community action group
• Lobbying for change for a specific target group of people or cause

Projects. Project work is for people with specific periods of time available and are seeking out volunteer opportunities with clearly defined timeframes. These opportunities typically involve high levels of volunteer involvement over a short period of time. The idea is that the volunteer has a specific set of skills that can be brought into an organization for a specific project.

• Volunteering to oversee the plan and construction of a new building
• Running or assisting at a specific event
• Redesigning the website for an organization
• Volunteering to write a marketing plan for a community group

Volunteer Opportunities

Ready to stop thinking about it and volunteer? If you type into your web browser “volunteer opportunities” the search results will be overwhelming. There are thousands of opportunities out there. Here are ten examples from one website I found:

1. Animal Rescue Shelters. Local animal shelters almost always need volunteers. There may be administrative opportunities or working with the animals like dog walking.

2. National Parks. You can help maintain trails, gather scientific information, and even act as a docent.

3. Food Pantries. Food pantries and soup kitchens can always use a helping hand organizing a local food drive, raising money, or simply handing out hot meals to those in need.

4. Habitat for Humanity. Brush up or develop home DIY skills while helping other less fortunate folks find shelter.

5. Local Libraries. Libraries typically need help organizing shelves and assisting patrons, and you may also be of help setting up and running public events, such as author signings and book fairs.

6. Art Museums. Get involved in the community by volunteering for family programs and children’s activities at your local museum. Once you build up your knowledge base, you may qualify to be a tour guide or event planner.

7. Political Campaigns. No politician gets elected without volunteers manning the phones, distributing fliers, raising money, and answering emails. This kind of work can provide you with valuable experience on many levels and can be applied to a host of different industries.

8. YMCA. You can volunteer to help both children and adults, strengthen your leadership skills by coaching a sports team, or pick up some valuable teaching experience by tutoring literacy courses.

9. Retirement Homes and Senior Centers. Offer to give a lecture or teach a class. Offer your services utilizing your set of skills

10. Red Cross. If you don’t feel like giving blood, why not greet and assist customers looking to do so? Your skills may make you a good fit for grant writing, performing clerical tasks, or managing other volunteers. If you’ve got the drive, you can draw on any number of talents to help the Red Cross

Win-Win

Volunteering can make you feel better and actually help you live longer. That’s a big win for the volunteer, but also there is a win for the organizations we support and the individuals we directly assist. Put yourself out there and meet people and support your community. It’s good for you and good for them.

Ed Lopez, PhD, Love of Aging’s Science Editor is a retired organizational psychologist, university instructor and researcher. His research has been presented at international conferences and published in a peer reviewed journal. Ed is also a decorated Army veteran who served in Vietnam.

The conversation that woke me up

It was the fall of 2018, and I was having what I thought was a casual conversation with my friend Gordon Starr–just two business leaders catching up on what we were up to personally and with our work–one of many such conversations we’d had over the years. Then I mentioned that my 65th birthday was approaching and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that milestone. How had 65 crept up on me so fast?

”You’re approaching 65. So you’ve got maybe 25 years left. How are you going to spend the next 25 years of your life?” Gordon asked.

What?  This was no longer a casual conversation.

“Try flipping your aging paradigm like I did,” he advised. “I have 22 years left, and I really recommend looking at how you are going to take advantage of what life has given you so far. How will you make the maximum difference going forward?” 

Whoa! Gordon’s questions had stopped me in my tracks. I needed to think.

Quite honestly, I had never spent much time thinking about the future, or dare I say, retiring and aging. I was focused on the now, on whatever project I was passionately engaged in each year. And there was always more to do than I had time for. The future was a concern I didn’t have time worry about. It would all be fine as long as I kept feeding my 401K.

The truth was, that until it was right in front of me, the end of my life had always seemed way far away. But Gordon’s conversation woke me up. I did the math and generously calculated that at 65 I really did have about 25 years left.

Assuming I had good mental and physical health, 25 years seemed like a good amount of time, but I know from watching family and friends die unexpectedly that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. I also have a familial history of dementia, and I carry both APOE 4 genetic markers, which increase my chance of Alzheimer’s. Against this background, my context became: I don’t have a minute to waste.

I still had a lot of things I wanted to experience and areas where I wanted to make a difference. I needed to take action. So I decided to retire the following year, once I hit 66.

What of my work? I was passionate about and committed to the large project I was working on, but I knew the project would be far enough along in 12 months that I could feel comfortable retiring from the tech company I worked for.

I notified the company of my plans, but I am pretty sure no one believed I would actually retire. As my self-imposed retirement date approached, my employer asked a question I had never considered: Would I work part-time? I could give up my VP responsibilities, become a “Fellow” mentoring younger leaders, and provide general industry guidance around the project. This was one of those really great offers you can’t refuse, and after careful thought and much discussion with my husband and close friends, I decided to take it.

Sounds sweet, right? Well, for someone like me, used to being in the thick of things, weighing in on every decision, having responsibility for so much and well, being “important,” it wasn’t that easy. One might call it an identity crisis; it sure felt like one.

No one worked for me any longer. I wasn’t in critical meetings. I didn’t manage a budget. I didn’t call any shots. And I didn’t always agree with the approach others took. What the heck was I doing?

My new role was primarily that of a coach. I had done some executive business coaching in the past and I’d been pretty good at it. I’d taken it seriously, and the people I’d coached had accomplished quite a bit. I had also led transformational programs and coached participants in those programs. Okay, I told myself, you can do this. Put your attention on the success of the folks you are mentoring–on what they say they need. Listen and ask questions; don’t give them the answers.

Yeah, I knew the mechanics of what to do, but like most things, my new mentoring gig was easier said than done. In the beginning, I found myself getting in the way. A lot. My ego (who me?) knew what they should do. I wanted to lead the witness and put my answers in their mouths.

For me, the process was downright painful.

I had gone from being an executive at the helm of a big project to being “the straw that stirs the drink” – someone who inspires others to action but isn’t at the center of the action herself.

I had huge doubts about this role. Was I really needed, or had I become one of “those people” who simply don’t know when it’s time to move on? I didn’t know, but I had given my word to stay the course for six months, and I am not a person to break my word.

It took me weeks to finally forget about myself and focus on them. But my mentees seemed to be getting value. They came to our conversations with good questions, and discovered they already had the answers. They’d just needed a sounding board and a little guidance. Inside this relationship, they were growing and blossoming.

Eventually, I realized that by supporting other leaders’ growth, I was making a difference in a much more sustainable manner. I was leveraging my skills and experience in a way that, while subtle, had real impact. I was a catalyst.

To my surprise, I found this new role to be deeply fulfilling. And I started to have fun. Maybe I was also growing?

As I recently told Gordon Starr, who checks in periodically to see how the transition is going: I am happy to be “the straw that stirs the drink.”

And that is a really great place to be.

Liz Dietz is a founder/principal of the Love of Aging movement, along with her good friends and colleagues Candace Shivers and Maureen Charles.

Liz has spent the last 35 years devoting herself to the professional goal of transforming higher education through technology. Her experience includes designing, building, marketing, and supporting innovative software solutions in the education market.

Her interest in the concept of healthy aging began in 2006 when she served on the Wise & Healthy Aging Board of Directors while participating in the care of her mother who was suffering from dementia. As a Boomer in her mid-60's, Liz is at work creating the next and grandest chapter of her life starting with Love of Aging.